You made me cry and you don't even care
nut hugger
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize