I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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