Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
