fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize