Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
