why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
