you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
