Betty ford says i'm here all night
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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