you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
