Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
only you would photoshop your dick
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
