Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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