I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
