What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
