This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
