I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
