my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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