I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
