If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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