i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
