Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize