I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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