I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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