your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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