I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
