Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize