I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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