we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
