I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
