You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
