I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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