he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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