You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
