You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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