Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
