We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize