Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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