If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
