I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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