He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
