Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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