I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
