Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
