I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
