But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
