i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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