Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
