So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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