Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize