I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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