if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
