The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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