i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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