just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
