It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
