I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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