I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
even my farts smell like vagina
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
