the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
