thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
