It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
