Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
