lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
