there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
