I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
