No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
