Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
