The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize