Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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