I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
