Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
