You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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