i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
