She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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