Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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