I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize