You can't special order awesome
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
