Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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