Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize