i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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