the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
