Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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