I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
