Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
