You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
