Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
