what if every blade of grass was a penis?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
