...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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