omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize