I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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