Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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