I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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