Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
