dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
