I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
