My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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