haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
