Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
