I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
