also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
