You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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