my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
