Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
