I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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