I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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